Field Trips

Ah, field trips. Aren't they lovely? Hundreds of fun-loving children, boarding yellow buses and headed off to adventures unknown. Why, just the other day, Ms. Pinkens took her best science students to the planetarium. And what did those kids do all day? They looked at stars. Ahhhh.... They weren't real ones, mind you. No, they were painted on a big dome screen.

Next week, there's talk of a field trip to a local bakery, where the children will learn how people make bread. Neat!

Do you want to know what I think?

Do you really have a choice?

No.

If it were up to me, field trips would be actual trips to fields. What would happen in those fields you ask? Oh ho ho! Well, first, all of the students would line up single file facing East. Next, they would be instructed to remove their shoes and socks. And lastly, they would stand there until one of two things happened. One, a storm cloud would form in the sky in the shape of a giant can of O'Gregorys Salad Spread. Or two, all of the aliens hiding throughout the world in caves would up and leave back to their home planets. I know what you're thinking. If those were the rules, none of the students would ever be allowed to come home and you're right. But, tell me, would that be so bad?

Okay, okay! Maybe I am a teensy bit jealous that I haven't been invited on a field trip. I wouldn't mind a nice, refreshing trip to a place where they pretend everyone's in space. That would be hilarious! And who wouldn't get a kick out of seeing all of those jolly fellows wearing white baker's caps and dancing and singing while bread supposedly grows in their ovens? I'm missing out on entertainment!!!

Too long have I dwelt in this metal prison! Too long have I dined on nothing other than microwaveable pizzas and Bizz Fizz Cola! Too long have I gone without the thrill of the wind in my hair as I ride in a glorious school bus. Too long. Too... oh well. What's the use of griping? Does it solve anything? I think not. I suppose it is not meant to be.