As we draw closer to Halloween and the holidays in general, I feel it necessary to remind everyone about the rules when visiting my domain. I will always offer my predictions and advice as long as you make the payments, but October seems to make everyone forget what I will not tolerate!
1. I only eat pepperoni and mushroom pizzas. None of this Hawaiian garbage! Pineapple on a pizza? How absurd. If you want an accurate prediction than pay the right price. Oh, and Chorchino's pizzas give me gas. I'm sure you can imagine how miserable that can be when trapped inside a small locker.
2. If you hear music when you come to my locker don't bother knocking. Give me at least 10 minutes of privacy! I do, however, appreciate a magazine or the newspaper.
3. I know it's getting close to Halloween, but need I remind you that I do not hand out treats. Please don't knock expecting me to drop suckers in your bags and if you insist on dressing up when you visit, I would suggest avoiding these costumes: Ninjas, cowboys and anything that looks like fruit. Nothing bothers me more than giant nectarines.
4. I don't make predictions on Christmas gifts, so don't ask! The big guy doesn't like it when I spy on him and his little helpers are surprisingly violent.
5. Rip Strapinski! R-I-P S-T-R-A-P-I-N-S-K-I!!! Not Ron Parkinskip, Ryan Skaparski, Roger Schoelminkers, or Ralph Steedermeister. Get it right!
6. If I poke you in your ear it's because you're facing the wrong direction. Honestly! There aren't lockers on that wall anyways. What are you thinking?